When I first saw Sia’s Elastic Heart video earlier this year, I cried. The imagery evoked such deep feelings, I couldn’t do anything but put the video on repeat and sob. The warring performance of “ones self” by Maddie Ziegler and Shia Lebeouf is thought-provoking, raw and incredibly powerful. It’s the kind of art that stays with you for a very long time.
Recently, I have had this song and performance running through my mind. Something about it is championing my inner self, my current state of being. I have been in an intense transition and transformation this past year – a season of unadulterated growth. And let me tell you, it’s been ugly and a bit embarrassing. I am supposed to be entering the height of my career, and instead I am intentionally starting over. Letting go of what I know, what I do well, and stepping away from the people I hide behind. For me to thrive, I must meet face-to-face with desperation and vulnerability. Stripped down, pushing through the blinding wind in search of the cliff side where I will inevitably jump.
My complacency and fear of failure has disallowed real change in my life. The kind of change that pushes me well past my comfort zone. I won’t lie, I love control. I love knowing everything before moving forward. But I also love the rush of the unknown. Beautiful, organic movement that takes me to unforeseen places. I crave that freedom, yet all too often, I take the safer paths. I dream about Thailand, but I get as far as Atlanta. My mind has always been polarized, a tumultuous playground of desire and restraint. But as of late, I have had no choice but to push the restraint aside. The “desire” has become greater than my controlling self, shaking me like a rag doll and screaming “Wake up! I’m starving!”.
So here’s to letting passion triumph over what is safe and intentionally starting over.
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For the last month I have been in a rut. You could call it depression, a funk, writers block, life simply operating sideways, whatever the name it’s where I have been lately. And it’s really tough being creative when you feel half empty. My job is to be creative at the drop of hat. And as of late, I’m really okay with that hat falling to the ground and letting someone else do the song & dance. It’s really strange how the “low’s” come about in ones life. Your just strolling along, enjoying the sunshine and singing birds, and then BAM! You’ve someone how found a pothole the size of Texas and you are lying face down in dirty rain water.
Although I love winter (yes really, I love it), it seems to have an unkind affect on me. I have a feeling I hit the same pothole every January and February. It’s likely due to the lack of sunshine, or the fact that I hibernate in my cozy little house. Now that I am blogging and writing a weekly column for 12th & Broad, it’s not as easy to ignore. I’ve got work to do! I must form words, creative words. I must give new information. I must share all the happenings. But my brain is empty and I feel a bit flat. I don’t feel fancy or interesting, more clinical and practical. I’m in a rut. And I have serious writers block.
Photo from Blogging Your Way
Perfectionism seems to be my main source of not moving forward. I get it stuck in my head that it always needs to be “go big, or go home”. All the time, everyday. I recognize that way of thinking stops me from experiencing and sharing the little things that make life so special. I mean, who has time to be grand all the damn time. But it’s really difficult for me to mix personal and business. To share the smalls because they seem insignificant to anyone outside of my community. Instead of writing everyday on this blog, I put all my energy and perfectionism into 1 or 2 posts a week. It feels more polished, more professional. But without putting risk into my writings, it’s just a pretty (generic) block of words.
So, starting today I am challenging myself to write everyday for 30 days. Over the top design posts or insignificant happenings, I will write everyday to overcome this road block. I fear showing my true self, and yet, myself is what sets me apart. I hope that this challenge will break the long cycle that has stopped me from thriving.
My first thought when I made this decision to write everyday was “WTF AM I GOING TO WRITE?!” And then a light-bulb went off. Go back through the e-course you took from Decor8, Blogging Your Way, and refresh your mind. When I took the course last October, I was just starting the blog. Some of the topics were for when you hit blog burnout. So although they were excellent classes, I wasn’t in a place that I could truly relate. Well, the time has definitely come. And I am so thankful that I had this gem stored away for a rainy day.
My first lesson will be to listen to Holly Becker‘s podcast Blog burn out? Turn blogging into something you love again. (wish I could share, but it’s not a public podcast). I am looking forward to these wise words, and how it will reset my thinking. And hopefully tomorrow I will have something lovely to share.
If you are in dire need of inspiration, empowerment and a community of like-minded people, sign up for the next Blogging Your Way e-course. The podcasts, lessons, and homework will knock your socks off. I am really thankful for the tools and relationships this class gave me.
About Blogging Your Way
Our classes have benefited and motivated thousands of students worldwide and will guide you to tap into your voice, goals and dreams while offering encouragement, friendship and support as you create a blog that you are proud of. You’ll walk away inspired, invigorated, loaded with fresh ideas, armed with the tools that you need to make your blog great AND you’ll have friends for life – our students are friendly, creative, supportive and they stay in touch long after class ends.
In this class, Holly Becker explains exactly how blogging turned her dreams into a reality as she shares hundreds of important tips that she’s learned from being a pro blogger for over nine years. Becker has a massive fan following and a respected blog that is known worldwide, in addition to her three bestselling books, Decorate, Decorate Workshop and Decorate With Flowers which are each being sold in multiple languages internationally.
Whether you are new to blogging or a seasoned pro, this class more than a How To Guide and is NOT a class taught by amateurs – it is your place learn from the pros and from fellow students – this is where you can dig deep into your own desires and passions within a safe and nurturing environment.
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Two and half years ago I closed the doors of my home décor store. Retail was changing and I knew I had to let go. At least for a little while. I won’t deny it, it was a lovely store. Full of handmade goods, one of a kind treasures and baubles that made you smile. Everything had a story to tell. Customers would come in with a look of wonder, anticipating new finds. My treasure hunt became theirs and it was a delight to watch.
It’s hard to let go of something you love. But it’s exciting to know that as you close one door, another one really does open. This past season has been a wonderful (and scary) experience of self-discovery. I was worried that if I closed my store, no one would remember me and I would have nothing to do. Well, that was not the case. Within a month, I was hitting the ground running making new relationships, working on large design projects and partnering with some of Nashville’s finest.
And now I am starting anew, once again.
Today I am stepping out into the light, in all of its frightening glory, and putting a voice to my work. As a stylist, you learn so much, meet so many people and find a plethora of good finds. Sharing those discoveries is half the fun. So join me on my new adventure, and enjoy the ride.
Welcome to Flock South.
* The HELLO printable can be purchased on Etsy at Designsbybiancab
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